It all started on a hot Thursday morning in the life of a somewhat normal woman. She woke up with a hundred things to do that morning just like every other day. Today, however, she had taken the day off from work and was excited about walking around the mall alone, going to have lunch alone, and find a quiet corner of a coffee shop to read. It had been so long since she had time to herself. She usually spent every day off she had at home cleaning and doing laundry. She was so incredibly excited! She got her child ready for school and was getting ready to drop her off.
As she was heading out the door, her mother appeared and wanted to take boxes to storage. This was, of course, fine because it had been put off often and really needed to be done. She would be a little later getting started, but it would be okay because things needed to be done. She moved all the boxes and then dropped off her child. She decided to come back home and get ready so she could be on her way. She was hungry, and something was unsettled in her spirit. The feeling like she knew there was something terrible was going to happen but couldn’t figure what or why she really had this feeling. The woman ate breakfast talked with her mom about her plans. Her mom was going wait on a plumber and was debating mowing the yard. The woman got up changed out some laundry and started washing dishes. Busy work again, she thought, but it has to be done, so I will do some. She started to cry and wondered Why am I doing this again? This will be the last day I have for months, and I should do what I want to do! Her tears came down harder. I am so angry I wanted to leave for the day and do fun things again. Her mother noticed her tears, “What is wrong?” she asked her daughter. She could no longer contain her emotions and disappointment any longer and started to scream, “Why does it matter? Does it matter that I wanted to spend a day alone? Maybe get my hair done the way I had been talking about for months? Nothing matters anymore!” she shouted at her mom.
In truth, it was not her mother's fault at all. She felt worthless and like no one cared at all for her and what she wanted in life. Her world came crashing down within 20 minutes because she lost her identity. She screamed out in pain and frustration how could this be happening again.
I am fine everything was fine.
I find when everything in my life seems fine it usually means something in my life is about to go terribly wrong. Questions are swirling around in my head I am not addressing. There are situations I have let sit on the back burner of my mind until they are boiling. This is kind of what my life was like a few months ago. Within a few hours of things not going right, my life started to spin around my selfishness instead of my God.
I had turned over my child of God badge and just stood there letting the turmoil consume me. I was falling deeper into this hole of self-doubt. I know it was not right for me to let it get that far. It was not until I started to ask for prayer that things would begin to change. Remember who your enemy is… it is not you but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places (Ephesians 6:12 NKJV). I had left part of my armor of God at my bedside. I surely won’t need it today since I am getting to do what I want. How foolish I was to try to get through a day without all of my armor.
In the bible it says, 13 Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.14 Stand therefore, having girded your waist with truth, having put on the breastplate of righteousness, 15 and having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace; 16 above all, taking the shield of faith with which you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one. 17 And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God; 18 praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, being watchful to this end with all perseverance and supplication for all the saints (Ephesians 6:13-19 NKJV). There are many times when I have thought maybe my ways are better than Gods way. And it never fails to see Him helping me pick up my messes when I have been too stubborn to listen to Him.
How did the day end? Better after I was reminded in my chaos to pray the Word of God over me. My focus came back to Jesus and every single beautiful thing He has done for me. For Him to die for me was true enough, but the Father continues to bless me daily. The Holy Spirit is still within me, even on the days I mess up. Also on the days, I have a meltdown. My advice is don’t leave your bed without your armor, in fact, don’t sleep without it.